Gent & Beauty

What I have been occupied with lately, please check out my friend's latest project (which I'm involved in, in the nicest possible way.)

You know the code

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Not gonna lie, I've had a bit of a crap week. No specific reason (general happy fun PMS/rejection letters related times). Watching a documentary on the beauty pageants in Columbia does NOTHING for my mood.

So fuck it. What DOES make me happy? Like, right now? Well.

• The whats app-group conversation with my beloved friend-family, which has been going on daily since  I left Scotland.
• That I get to SEE andf HUG above mentioned friends in like 3 months time!
• That after THAT visit it's only about 2 months (of summer) until they come over for THE RETURN OF THE LADS: summer edition. Also known as a few days holiday in Sweden.
• It's almost the weekend and I've found the perfect gin cocktail. which I will be sipping on come tomorrow night.
• I'm so goddamn good at my internship that they never ever want me to leave.
• It's warm enough to ride my bike.
• Saturday will include an art show, a bbq, sparkling wine and general unexpected good times.

If things don't start to change soon I'm quitting humanity and joining a pack of wolves

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You should know I'm writing this after 3 cups of coffee and fuelled by a lot of justified rage about the world.
I've always been a feminist. I've mentioned this before and to me it's as natural as breathing. It's a part of me, it always has been.
But still I find myself shocked and appaled at the examples streaming in through the Everyday Sexism project's twitter account. It makes me realise that in spite of my firm belief in the need for feminism, in spite of gender studies and reading book after book on the subject I've become numb to the little things which happens everyday. Maybe it's because I used to work in a bar. Heck, maybe it's because I was once a teenage girl and the sexist, violent and often abusive comments raining down on you in the school corridors and at parties made me think that it was NORMAL.
It's not fucking normal guys. IT'S HORRENDOUS.

To be honest I'm so angry I can't even think straight.

When I was working as a barmaid I once had a customer advicing me that I should "earn my tips on my knees". And when I reacted with a death-stare he had the nerve to feel insulted. Apparently I should learn how to deal with the "banter".

I wish this was an isolated incident, but it's not. Working in the hospitality industry you have to develop thick skin, because you essentially turn into a piece of meat. I have had customers grab me, comment loudly on my boobs, slap my ass, try to pull me down onto their lap.
At this is just at work. Outside of work I've once had to physically KICK a drunk man out of a cab after he didn't appreciate that my friend turned down his advances. He spat at us, called us whores, threatened with violence. Funny, really, how NOT WANTING TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM turned us into whores.

No. It's not funny. It's sad. And why is it still like this? Why is there still people who claim that feministm isn't needed, that we live in an equal society? Who say that maybe women should just learn how to ignore it, laugh it off?
I don't want to laugh, I want to punch someone in the face.

I was raised to believe in myself. My parents did a prettty good job. But still, I was also told to ignore the comments, to avoid confrontation, no not walk home alone after dark, to not get too drunk around boys at parties.
How come we raise girls to avoid situations where they could get abused and raped, instead of raising boys who WON'T RAPE? I can't imagine any of my male friends or relatives ever doing anything as degrading, soul crushing, violent and horrid as that, but to be honest, the Steubenville trials really did decrease my faith in humanity.

I'm sick and tired of it. I'm fed up with being numb and with trying to laugh it off. It's not banter. It's sexism. I'm sick of a legal system which puts the rape victim on trial, and not the accused. I'm sick of it all.  And I still, really, really, really want to punch someone in the face.
But I was raised bettert than that. So I suppose I will just have to channel my rage into something more productive than my right fist.

I got my hair, I got my head, I got my brains, I got my ears, I got my eyes, I got my nose, I got my mouth, I got my smile.

Today I have loved and hated my life in equal meassure. Prayed for change, cursed my choices, beaten myself down, picked myself up and loved my freedom. All in a days work people.

"It used to be a lot less complicated when I was younger"

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Don't you ever expect the heart to be rational.

Dance, dance, dance

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I admire people who have natural grace and know how to move. My style of dancing is stuck somewhere between glowstick twirling goth and awkward 70s dad (unless I'm drunk because then I'n NATURALLY the dancing queen).
This is why I don't trust men who hit on me at nightclubs. I mean, WHY would you want to get with someone who looks like an embarrassing uncle at a wedding, being repeatedly zapped with a cattle-prod?

"You have to be willing to get happy about nothing"

I worry a lot. Worry about not being good enough, worry about money, worry about the future. I worry about the state of my heart, the state of my mind, the state of my teeth.
Worry about my student loans, about my eye sight, about my skin, about my weight about my health.

Worry about my friends, worry about my family, worry about the state of the world. I worry about winding up alone, I worry about being with the wrong person. I worry about the enviroment, about politics, about walking home alone when it's dark outside.

It's exhausting.

So in order to cancel out all that worry I also enjoy the little things.
I enjoy the fact that the sun has been shining for weeks. I enjoy my morning coffee and listening to the morning radio while walking into work. I enjoy writing lists and ticking things off, one by one. I enjoy feeling like I'm actually really good and what I do and I enjoy feeling like maybe, just maybe, the jigzaw pieces are falling into place.

You have to enjoy the little things. You have to laugh. Because even if the world might feel truly fucked at times there's still so many things to smile about. Like videos of kittens falling over, drinking coffee on the steps in the sunshine, songs which makes your heart beat faster and people who care and try to make a difference.

If we don't try to focus on the good stuff we'll all go mad. And not the good kind of mad, just plain sad, down in the dumps-mad. And we don't want that, do we?

On taking a break from life and being still being torn

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Sometimes you have to travel far in order to get home.
At least that's what I've been told.
And I have travelled, perhaps not in the vagabond-asia-backpacking sense, but in my own way. And I'm still not entirely sure of where I'm meant to wind up. As always I'm torn between two countries, several cities and loads of people.
Is this a bad thing? I'm not sure, because it all stems from a lot of love. Love for different cities and love for several friends and family members. I had the privilige of a safe haven to return to, and I had reached a point in my life when I could forgive, forget, move on and learn to love my home town and home country for what it is, rather than to despise it for what it used to represent to me.
I'm happy for that chance. I'm happy for the bike rides, the beer fuelled walks through Gothenburg, the nights out in Stockholm, the cups of coffee in Copenhagen.
The salt water, the sea air, the friends who knew me then and still want to know me now. The family members who are my solid ground and my reason for being.


I took a break from life.
But now I'm starting to feel like it's time to get back into the game, I'm starting to feel like this game I've been playing (the long haul kind) isn't satisfying enough for my impatient soul. There's a weird energy, maybe it's spring, sunshine or my normal fight or flee instinct kicking in, but something is a'brewing.

F. Scott Fitzgerald might be my favourite person to go to for a bit of faith in love

Oh, Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald. If only I could have a "midnight in Paris" adventure and let you boost my faith in true, mad love. (Pictures from here and here).

The sun was high

Oh Easter-weekend, you were good to me. The dancing, the sunshine, the dinners, the friends, the bike rides, the feeling of flying and the plans for April.
Life. It's quite exciting.

Spring in the sunshine and winter in the shade

I'm up to my ears in EU-projects, funding and complicated application requirements. It pretty much zaps any attempts from my side to be witty or creative, it's like there's a limited amount of brain power and at the moment mine is all diverted into understanding European structural funds.

Luckily, Easter weekend is coming up and I can pause that process for a few days and devote my time to live music, dancing, cooking and drinking wine.

Speaking of wine, when writing my shoppinglist for today my brain (or hand? Maybe I have alien hand syndrome) decided to write "life" instead of "wine". And to be honest, looking back at the past week, I do need a god damn life. And wine.

We used to be so young and naive

I went through all my stored "house" stuff today. Glasses, plates, bowls and silver spoons. Everything I got for birthdays or graduations and never brought with me over to the UK. It's been stored in boxes, gathering dust for years. A few hours later it's now all wiped down and organised. Conclusions? I like organizing stuff and I own a lot of glasses. But the best finds must have been a bunch of old photos and letters, at the bottom of a cupboard.
The teenage-cringe is pretty much overflowing (there was a lot of poetry... Me and my friends all wanted to be rather "artsy"). There was old receipts for Nirvana CD's, love letters, school photos....

Christ, I was a pretentious little teen.
It's so good to get older.
So incredibly great not to be that age.
And it's nice not to feel anything but love when looking at the pictures. We were so damn cute and we turned out so well.
Who would have thought.

(If you want to see a photo of me at 15 looking sporty you could always follow me on instagram. EmmaLinneaEngstrom,)

10 to 1 Q&A

Happy Friday! Let's procrastinate for a few minutes with this list that I stole from here.

10 Things I like

1. Buying new perfume.

2. Crawling in to a bed made with fresh sheets.

3. Different shapes of pasta.

4. Big, over the top, musical numbers.

5. When you and your friends just can't stop laughing in spite of your belly hurting and all your makeup being halfway down your face mixed with your tears.

6. That point in a new relationship when you realise that FUCK, I really, really love this person and you find out he/she feels the exact same way.

7. Walking to a club/pub/restaurant with wine in my belly and my best friends by my side.

8. Sitting outside with a glass of sparkling wine and feeling the sun on my back.

9. First kisses.

10. Kittens falling over.

9 Things I don't like

1. That my best friends in the whole universe live in a different country and not up the road.

2. That it's still freezing outside.

3. That, because of afore mentioned freezing temperatures, I still haven't gotten to use my new trenchcoat.

4. Crabs.

5. Waking up from a nightmare about crabs.

6. Youbtube-comments.

7. Saying goodbye.

8. Awkward silences.

9. My outfit today. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I got dressed but now I feel uncomfortable and too hot.

8 Blogs I read

NiotillFem, Nina, Elsa Billgren, The Bloggess, The Sadbox, Fifty Scents, Animals talking in all caps and What should we call me.

7 Things I want to do in the future

1. Go back to Berlin and stay for at least a month.
2. Earn enough money to build up some kind of savings account so that I'm not stranded in an other case of major life-screw up.
3. A masters degree.
4. Go to Tokyo.
5. Own a Elie Saab dress.
6. Own my own flat/house with my own balcony.
7. Be really fucking happy.

6 Things I'm scared of

1. Never getting the job I want.

2. Winding up a little old lonely lady.

3. Skin cancer.

4. Being too far away to help my friends or family.

5. Moths.

6. Losing my hair.



5 Places where I like to be

1. The meadows in Edinburgh on a sunny day, when half the town all have the same idea and you keep running in to people you know.

2. My parents kitchen around Christmas.

3. Walking along the Seine in Paris in September.

4. In my friends livingrooms, dancing to 90s hits.

5. In beer gardens with a big group of people during the first days of spring.

4 Words to describe me

1. Smiley
2. Strong.
3. Soft (because I truly believe you can be both strong and soft. Being strong does not mean you have to be a cold).
4. Chatty.

3 Things I look forward to

1. The smell of sunlotion on my skin.
2. July, when my gang comes over for LADS DOES SWEDISH SUMMER: THE SEQUAL.
3. Love.

2 Good films
Today I'm going for upbeat, happy stuff (cause it's FRIDAY) so how bout The Muppets and 10 Things I hate about you.

1 Good Song
Take a walk by Passion Pit.

Life, boiled down to the content of my handbag

Continuing on the theme of the previous post I actually do think that you can say a lot about a person based on the content of their handbag. I Show me your handbag and I'll show you your life!
My handbag, this very day, contains:

• My yellow purse, which is falling apart but I'm reluctant to part with.
• 3 pens (blue and black ink).
• One handheld mirror.
• One tiny hairbrush.
• One set of yellow post-it notes.
• Some paperclips.
• Some change.
• 2 shades of red lipstick.
• Some clear lipgloss.
• Some lipbalm.
• Liquid eyeliner.
• Scented wet wipes.
• A lighter.
• Gloves.
• Keys to my house, my bike and work.
• A memory stick.
• A note pad for everything that I could possibly need to write down.
• Iron supplements. I don't normally take them but as I donated blood last week the nurses seem to think it's a good idea to keep my iron-levels up. All I can think is that if Magneto from the X-Men attacked me I'd be royally fucked.

I say, it's the fire in my eyes, and the flash of my teeth, the swing in my waist, and the joy in my feet.

Thesadbox pondered on how a persons scarf might say something about them. The smell, the fabric, the colours and the pattern. I suppose that if you wear something daily it might take on a part of your personality, and in northern Europe we currently do not leave the house without at least ONE scarf. It's still snowing and spring does seem very far away.

I don't know if my scarf says anything about me. It's soft and worn, a bit torn by the edges but you won't notice unless you look at it up close. It's colourful and smells like a mixture of my skin, my hallway and Chanel perfume. It's probably been washed once of twice since I got it and it's been with me through winter, spring, summer and autumn.
In a way I guess I use it as a safety blanket, or a shield against the world. It's big enough to use as an actual blanket if called for and I have fallen asleep underneath it.

After 4 years of university and reading meaning after meaning into other peoples words I think I could write an essay about my scarf as a reflection of me. But I won't. Because today I will mainly learn about EU-projects on a regional level and that leaves very little space for other thoughts. So I will leave you at that and attempt not to get sucked into further procrastination.

How nice of you to take photos of my suffering, mother.

This is how perky I looked having breakfast with my parents this morning. Let's just say I decided to celebrate the end of the working week with a tiny bit too much wine. But you know, after the week I've had I say I deserved a drink. Luckily I seem to have managed to shake my hangover and even dragged myself out for a walk and got to meet my brand new baby cousin. His 3-year old sister wasn't overly impressed ("He's so small, he can't even WALK") but in all honesty babies really don't do a lot,
Now, I'd say I deserve a day of tea, catching up on sunshine, tv-series and sleep. So that's what I intend to do. Enjoy your weekend my dears. 

Excuse me, universe, I'd like to return this month, it seems to be broken.

I'd just like to make it known that I'm not bloody OK with this snow.
So I will keep wearing my floral dresses and tights until the universe decides to give in and give me some sunshine and bearable temperatures. M'kay, thank you please.

...And it's all over much too quickly

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Internship, projects, coffee, learning new software in ten minutes, not sleeping/sleeping too much, trying not to weep when visiting my flu-ridden grandparents and seeing how badly a fever can affect a person in their 80s.
Buying the perfect spring coat only to be faced by -10 and biting winds, losing faith in humanity, finding it again, losing it, finding it.
Battling the stress, the angst, the hope, the fears. Dreaming of teleportation and summer nights.
Smiling even though I'd rather scream, nursing the hope and giggling like a fool. And yes, it's all over much too quickly.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!

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To all the women in my life and those who aren't (because feminism is global).
To all the mother's, daughters, grandmothers, sisters, friends and lovers. To the women who have wiped my tears, laughed with me, held my hair for me when I've been sick from too much wine.

To the ones who raised me, the ones who nursed me, the ones who cared for me. To the teachers who opened up my eyes, the authors, artists, singers. To the friends who have been by my side, in classrooms, demonstrations, bars, parks and offices.

To the ones who kept me strong and the ones who kept me humble.
To the ones who have inspired me and the ones who kept my chin up.

You are my stars. And today is about celebrating you, the ones who got us this far. It's about giving you the attention you deserve so that we never forget that it's always, ALWAYS worth to stand up and fight for what you believe in.

I believe in you, and I believe we still have a long way to go but if I can have you as company I'm happy to walk that walk.
All my love.

The long and winding road

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Let me tell you that I love you, and that I think about you all the time

Today I miss Edinburgh so much it hurts. I'm not just saying that, it feels like I'm pouring salt in to a wound then I look at a map over Scotland. It stings and burns and makes me feel like there's a gaping hole in my body.
I've come to realize that I will always miss it. It was home for 7 years. That's a long time, and I did most of my growing up over there. It has left me with a sense of a dual nationality, and unfortunately also with a feeling of not really belonging anywhere. My best friends in the whole world are over there. The future I want seems to be over here. My family is here, but I still seem to be in my element in Britain. I fit in in a way I never did in Sweden. But maybe that's because I never gave it a chance to begin with.

Not a week goes by without me wondering if I made the right decision to move back. I don't think I will stop questioning myself until I've set down some proper roots over here. When you're in limbo it's easy to long for the place where you felt safe. I used to long for Sweden and ache when thinking about the salty air of my home town. I have been torn between these two places for so long.

I left because I wasn't happy with the way my life had turned out and I wanted to change it. Just rip it up and change it all. I don't think that I can ever go back, not to how it used to be. I want to be able to give Sweden the same chance I gave Scotland and truly set down some roots. But I will never stop missing my Edinburgh streets, the smell of the city, the lights, the people, the loves of my life. I left a bit of my heart over there and I will have to accept that it's always going to haunt me.

But I suppose the wound will scar and one day I will wake up and realize that I'm finally at home.

BAD MOVE

I don't know WHY I though that a documentary about Great Ormonds Street's children's hospital was a good things to watch during lunch. Really, Linnea. Bad move.

Now if you excuse me I'm just gonna sit in a corner, crying while desperatly trying to find my happy place for the rest of the afternoon.

Please, please, please (I want it all)

Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue.... And if I keep repeating it over and over maybe it will finally sink in and I will find it easier not to just demand everthing I want right this very moment.

Looking at the 7 heavenly virtues Vs. the 7 deadly sins I must say sinning just seems to come a lot more natural to must people (me included).

Let's have a look, why don't we? Starting off with the virtues.

1. Chastity. To abstain from sexual conduct and refraining from intoixicants. To be honest, that sounds dull as dishwater.

2. Temperance. Fair enough, I get this one. I find it important, even. But like many of the virtues it's just damn difficult, I mean, finding a just balance between the needs of others and your own needs? Isn't that what causes the modern human's massive amounts of angst, all the time? 

3. Charity. Well, this is a no-brainer. I even portrayed charity in a photoshoot a few years back (why charity? I don't know, maybe I looked like someone wh donates money to the red cross). No need to argue with this, giving is good. Although at the moment I'm so skint the only thing I can donate is my blood.

4. Diligence. To work hard, and with integrity. Yes, once again, I get this. Do it well or not at all, I'm all for working hard. Except for Sundays when I truly believe time is best spent under a blanket or in a pub.

5. Patience. Yes, I would say we have covered this one already. And, no, I still can't say it's one of my virtues. Maybe bacause I have a constant loop of "I want it all" by Queen in my head.

6. Kindness. Now this one I would say I can rock though. I truly believe in the power of being kind. And although I'm trying to train myself to be a little bit thougher, a little bit less reasonable, I still believe in killing problems with kindness. Nothing like a smile and some polite words to disarm unreasonable people. Unless, of course, we have a disagreement regarding how awesome Queen are, because then my kindness is very limited. I love Queen.

7. Humility. Aaaah. The one trait everyone seems to struggle with. And it's a tricky one as well. You don't want to over-do it and become some kind of wet blanket. I do think that you should be proud of yourself, and of what you're done. But you don't want to be blinded by your own awesomeness, and you do need to give credit when it's due. I thought I was FINE with this, but at times I do wonder. Keeping it in mind, either way.


And now, for the other end of the spectrum (dahdahDUUUUUUM). The 7 deadly sins:

1. Lust. Yeeeeah, don't really feel that lust should be considered sinful, unless you have no self-control what so ever. Lust is good, lust is fun, and lust can push you to try new things (hey, talking about lust for adventure, power and fame here, it's not all sexual. Get your minds out of the gutter!)

2. Gluttony. We've all been there. You've cooked too much pasta and instead of saving it for next day's lunch box you decide to go all out and OD on carbs and cheese. I suppose some people can resist gicing in to a bit of gluttony, but to be perfectly honest, I quite like digging my way through a whole carton of Ben & Jerry's every now and then. As long as I can combat the following guilt with some form of exercise.

3. Greed. I'm not gonna argue with this one. Greed is probably the root of most of the problems in this world and unlike lust and (a tiny bit of) gluttony it can't be used for fun. Thumbs down for greed!

4. Sloth. As in extreme laziness, not the adorable animal. Not gonna argue with this one either, I'm just gonna look at pictures of baby sloths instead. 

I mean, check these cute guys out! Picture from here.

 5. Wrath. So anger and rage might not be the most positive of emotions. I still like to make the case for productive rage, for  getting really pissed off about stuff and then doing something constructive about it. Constructive does NOT include punching a wall/person, vandalising property, trolling on the internet or spitting in someones food (even though the last option is tempting at times).

6. Envy. Oh, we've all been there. I know I have. You WANT to be happy for your friend who's landed the awesome job/perfect boyfriend or bought that lovely flat. But instead you just feel yourself being taken over by the green eyed monster and then you wallow in self-pity. Nothing good comes from envy, unless you're good at turning negatives into positives and use it as a driving force to get what you want. But even then I would say it's a negative. Let's all agree to work on this one, yeah?

7. Pride. In the naaaaaaaaaaaaaaame of LOVE! (No? Ok. No U2. Promise.) Pride is according to Wikepedia the one sin which histoically is considered the most sinful. I do face this with a healthy dose of scepticism. When an old book tells you that PRIDE is punishable with eternal suffering, but doesn't mention killing, enslaving or raping anywhere on that list of sins, well, then I think you are allowed to start questioning your source of information and guidance. I'm all about pride. Pride is positive. Being a stuck up, snarky, inflated jerk on the other hand, isn't.

So. As an atheist who puts most of her moral priciples down to a good upbringing, good friends and Yoda from Star Wars I can honestly say that the lessons learnt from my venture in to virtues and sins are:

1. Try to use some self-control
2. Never trust everything a book tells you
3. And try not to be a dick.

It's not that difficult really. And as for my lack of pateience I find taking a deep breath and counting to ten often helps.

First days of spring

Top five feelings today

1. The sun on my face.
2. That first sip of coffee in the morning, how it tingles in the back of my head and I feel myself waking up. Like a hug for my brain.
3. When my painkillers kick in and make my insane period pains go away (screw you, mother nature, I have medication).
4. Feeling gravely ground beneath my feet instead of ice and snow.
5. Not having hair in my eyes like in the above picture. Still loving the fringe. Hurrah!

I feel strangely... Positive. It's MARCH, people. That means spring. And yesterday was such an insanely good day in so many ways that I'm still nursing a bit of a glow from it all. I mean, any day which involves promising meetings, good coffee, the birth of TWINS and the news of a close friends engagement to an amazingly lovely person...Well, it can only make you happy, no? 

The two worst months of the year are over. This is when it really starts. This is when we come out of hibernation and blink at the strange glowing object in the sky. Stretch, smile and go on to spending far too much time freezing out asses of in thin spring-jackets because we feel like it's almost SUMMER. Bring it on.

It's the return of the FRINGE.

My attempts at a manageable side swept fringe turned out to be futile and after weeks and weeks of constantly trying to brush it out of my eyes I just snapped and took the scissors to it. Muuuuch better.

And yes, I'm aware that I will probably regret it in a few days. As you do. But for now I'm just enjoying the short straightness of it all.

Things I like Tuesday

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• Shoshanna from HBO's "Girls". She's my spirit animal.
• My 10am and 3pm coffee. I'm a creature of habit, really. First thing in the morning I want black tea with milk and honey, and then once I'm dressed/made up/out in the real world I need my coffee. And those cups of strong, dark goodness can make me weep with joy.

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• This trench coat. Although I would also settle for the Asos-version. Or you know, any coat which doesn't make me look like a hobo the way my current worn and torn parka does.
• Jennifer Lawrence. I actually love her even more after her fall at the Oscars. Not only did she manage to look like a weeping Disney princess but she also gives me hope that in spite of being in a constant battle with gravity, stairs, chairs and walls, us clumsy people can still go on to WIN EVERYTHING. Fair enough, my chances of winning an Oscar are slim to none, but still... Let me nurse the little bit of hope I have. OH, and this point brings me on to the next like, which is...
• HUGH JACKMAN. Who, when Jennifer Lawrence fell, was the first one out of his seat to help her up. He's a GENT, folks. A sexy, singing, GENT.

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•  PENGUIN BABY! PENGUIN BABY! No other words needed. 
• All the parents who dress their kids up like this. Praised be you. And the rest of you, come ON, look at the adorableness of this outfit!

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• Happy T-rexes. 
• Spring. Almost, almost, almost.

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• This tent. Preferably on a rainy summers night, combined with cool wine, good music and all the friends I could squeeze into this ball of happiness. 

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter

The sensation of waking up to sunshine is far better than I could ever put into words. This is the time of year when I realise just how badly I need my dosage of vitamin D. And since it's decided to stay sunny since Saturday I have taken ever single chance to soak up the rays (albeit slightly paranoid about burning my freakishly pale winter face). Saturday morning was spent having breakfast and coffee OUTDOORS for the first time this year. And yes, it was FREEZING but totally worth it.

To compensate for spending most of Sunday snoozing on the sofa, recovering from the various antics of the weekend, I have spent several hours stocking up on sunny vitamins today. GLORIUOUS, GLORIOUS SUNSHINE, it's almost good enough to take my mind of my bank balance/general life-stress.

Wednesday wishlist

This dress from Trashy Diva.

 This bracelet from Etsy.

 This top. Want, want, want.

 This vespa.

This perfume.

And you know, a job I love, a flat to call my own, a salary to keep me comfortable, a kitten, world peace and a haircut.

Tuesday Q&A, in spite of my answers being ever-changing (it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind)

1. Five favorite films: Virgin Suicides, My neighbour Totoro, Amelie, Persepolis, Fight Club.
2. Five favourite TV-series: My so called life, Freaks and Geeks, Girls (!!!), Game of Thrones (it filled some of the void the LOTR-films left in my heart, click for season 3 sneak peak!) and New Girl.

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3. Five favourite celebrities: Stephen Fry, Jennifer Lawrence, Caitlin Moran, Nigella Lawson and David Attenborough. I just want to sit down for a pint with all of these people. Jennifer Lawrence is quite a recent addition but I can't help but love her when I read things like this.
4: Five favourite drinks: Italian red wine, G&T, strong coffee, bloody marys and Strongbow cider.
5: Five favourite foods: Pistachio nuts (salted, in salads, ice cream, even the colour!), Grilled corn on the cob, mozzarella cheese, chorizo sausage, Chinese dumplings.

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6. Five favourite blogs: Niotillfem, Annaritar, TheBloggess, ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS and Thesadbox (cause, you know, we've gone through heartbreak together without even knowing each other).

7. Five favourite colours: Cornflower blue, black, emerald green, bright poppy red, and (just to mix it up a little) dust pink.

8. Five favourite musicians/bands: David Bowie (forever and ever in my heart. I cried a little when he released his comeback single), The Crookes, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, Jeff Buckley and Florence and the Machine. But this lists changes daily. Or hourly, depinding on my mood.

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9: Five dream holiday locations: Kyoto (Japan), Paris (France), Kaikoura (New Zealand), New York (U.S.A) and Santiago (Chile).

10: The five best things about you: I'm good at expressing myself in words and writing, I remember tiny details about people like how they take their coffee or how they met their partner, I'm generally caring and kind, I can organize anything and a roast a mean chicken.

11. And the five worst: I overthink things, I sometimes allow my past insecuries to affect how I'm feeling, I always forget to recycle, I never go to the dentist and I hate to "bother" people. Sometimes you fucking HAVE TO bother people, no matter how well-behaved and polite you are.

12: Your five favourite things to do: Take long walks in new cities, spend hours in good coffee shops or bars with my friends, cuddle cats, drink loads of coffee then and writewritewrite and spend hungover Sundays in bed with someone worth spending time with.

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13: And your five least favourite things to do: Check my bank balance, go to the dentist (which is why hardly ever go), laundry, play cards, staying polite to drunk twats (which is why I stopped working as a barmaid).

14: Five pet hates: Parents who use empty threats and never ever follow through when their kids are acting up in public (Right, I don't have kids so maybe I'm not entitled to an opinion but I know how I was raised and if I had EVER dared to behave in ways I've seen some kids behave my parents would have swooped me up and taken me away in an instant), bad translations, Alicia Keys (I don't know why but she gives me irrational rage), the term "lol", people who don't allow me to get off the bus/train before they try to get on.

15: Five whishes for the future: To be happy, to be happy, to be happy, to be happy, to be happy.

A yearning from deep within

I long for spring. I long for summer.
I yearn for the smell of the sea and the feeling of sunshine on my face. The snow outside has barely started to melt and still I can't wait to put away my winter boots, banish my winter coat to the deepest darkest corner of my wardrobe and to be able to leave my house in a matter of seconds, without the angsty procedure of extra knitted socks, boots, jacket, scarf, mittens, hat...

I want to be able to walk the streets of sun drenched cities wearing a summer dress and a thin cardigan. I miss the smell of sun lotion and even the look of bare ground. Just normal gravel, asphalt, roads not covered in snow and ice.
I miss the smell of summer nights when you ride your bike through deserted streets. I miss sitting by the fire in the garden until it gets dark and the bats come swooping over the lawn. I miss skinny dipping and heading to the shop for nothing else but ice cream.

I think that I'm starved of summers after my many years in Scotland. Being a Swedish west coast-girl my summers were always dominated by salt water, sand and sunshine. Spending the summer months is Edinburgh they became synonymous with a light drizzle, the occasional day in the park, sweating in beer gardens. And still, I loved it. But I need my salt water, need the smell of it on my skin.
And above all I long for the hope that spring gives. The resurrection.

And I'm sick of having cold toes. Sick to death.

Music Monday

1. A Song for the moment.

2. A song from your childhood.

3. A song for your friends.


4. A song for an ex.

5. A song for your future.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride

Yesterday I got to meet this little biscuit for the first time. My friend's 2 week old little boy. Can you see my heart melting in the second picture? No matter how freaked out I felt when holding such a tiny, vulnerable brand new baby (my clumsiness makes me paranoid when I hold newborns) it still brings you a weird sense of calm. You just sit there, calmly and take in the idea that your friends made this little person. A little person who smells amazing. What's the deal with baby smell? My dad described it has a mixture of apples and honey and I think it's pretty much correct. It's all part of the baby's plan to sneak into your heart and snare you so that you love them forever and ever. A cunning ruse!