On taking a break from life and being still being torn

Source

Sometimes you have to travel far in order to get home.
At least that's what I've been told.
And I have travelled, perhaps not in the vagabond-asia-backpacking sense, but in my own way. And I'm still not entirely sure of where I'm meant to wind up. As always I'm torn between two countries, several cities and loads of people.
Is this a bad thing? I'm not sure, because it all stems from a lot of love. Love for different cities and love for several friends and family members. I had the privilige of a safe haven to return to, and I had reached a point in my life when I could forgive, forget, move on and learn to love my home town and home country for what it is, rather than to despise it for what it used to represent to me.
I'm happy for that chance. I'm happy for the bike rides, the beer fuelled walks through Gothenburg, the nights out in Stockholm, the cups of coffee in Copenhagen.
The salt water, the sea air, the friends who knew me then and still want to know me now. The family members who are my solid ground and my reason for being.


I took a break from life.
But now I'm starting to feel like it's time to get back into the game, I'm starting to feel like this game I've been playing (the long haul kind) isn't satisfying enough for my impatient soul. There's a weird energy, maybe it's spring, sunshine or my normal fight or flee instinct kicking in, but something is a'brewing.

F. Scott Fitzgerald might be my favourite person to go to for a bit of faith in love

Oh, Mr. F. Scott Fitzgerald. If only I could have a "midnight in Paris" adventure and let you boost my faith in true, mad love. (Pictures from here and here).

The sun was high

Oh Easter-weekend, you were good to me. The dancing, the sunshine, the dinners, the friends, the bike rides, the feeling of flying and the plans for April.
Life. It's quite exciting.

Spring in the sunshine and winter in the shade

I'm up to my ears in EU-projects, funding and complicated application requirements. It pretty much zaps any attempts from my side to be witty or creative, it's like there's a limited amount of brain power and at the moment mine is all diverted into understanding European structural funds.

Luckily, Easter weekend is coming up and I can pause that process for a few days and devote my time to live music, dancing, cooking and drinking wine.

Speaking of wine, when writing my shoppinglist for today my brain (or hand? Maybe I have alien hand syndrome) decided to write "life" instead of "wine". And to be honest, looking back at the past week, I do need a god damn life. And wine.

We used to be so young and naive

I went through all my stored "house" stuff today. Glasses, plates, bowls and silver spoons. Everything I got for birthdays or graduations and never brought with me over to the UK. It's been stored in boxes, gathering dust for years. A few hours later it's now all wiped down and organised. Conclusions? I like organizing stuff and I own a lot of glasses. But the best finds must have been a bunch of old photos and letters, at the bottom of a cupboard.
The teenage-cringe is pretty much overflowing (there was a lot of poetry... Me and my friends all wanted to be rather "artsy"). There was old receipts for Nirvana CD's, love letters, school photos....

Christ, I was a pretentious little teen.
It's so good to get older.
So incredibly great not to be that age.
And it's nice not to feel anything but love when looking at the pictures. We were so damn cute and we turned out so well.
Who would have thought.

(If you want to see a photo of me at 15 looking sporty you could always follow me on instagram. EmmaLinneaEngstrom,)

10 to 1 Q&A

Happy Friday! Let's procrastinate for a few minutes with this list that I stole from here.

10 Things I like

1. Buying new perfume.

2. Crawling in to a bed made with fresh sheets.

3. Different shapes of pasta.

4. Big, over the top, musical numbers.

5. When you and your friends just can't stop laughing in spite of your belly hurting and all your makeup being halfway down your face mixed with your tears.

6. That point in a new relationship when you realise that FUCK, I really, really love this person and you find out he/she feels the exact same way.

7. Walking to a club/pub/restaurant with wine in my belly and my best friends by my side.

8. Sitting outside with a glass of sparkling wine and feeling the sun on my back.

9. First kisses.

10. Kittens falling over.

9 Things I don't like

1. That my best friends in the whole universe live in a different country and not up the road.

2. That it's still freezing outside.

3. That, because of afore mentioned freezing temperatures, I still haven't gotten to use my new trenchcoat.

4. Crabs.

5. Waking up from a nightmare about crabs.

6. Youbtube-comments.

7. Saying goodbye.

8. Awkward silences.

9. My outfit today. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I got dressed but now I feel uncomfortable and too hot.

8 Blogs I read

NiotillFem, Nina, Elsa Billgren, The Bloggess, The Sadbox, Fifty Scents, Animals talking in all caps and What should we call me.

7 Things I want to do in the future

1. Go back to Berlin and stay for at least a month.
2. Earn enough money to build up some kind of savings account so that I'm not stranded in an other case of major life-screw up.
3. A masters degree.
4. Go to Tokyo.
5. Own a Elie Saab dress.
6. Own my own flat/house with my own balcony.
7. Be really fucking happy.

6 Things I'm scared of

1. Never getting the job I want.

2. Winding up a little old lonely lady.

3. Skin cancer.

4. Being too far away to help my friends or family.

5. Moths.

6. Losing my hair.



5 Places where I like to be

1. The meadows in Edinburgh on a sunny day, when half the town all have the same idea and you keep running in to people you know.

2. My parents kitchen around Christmas.

3. Walking along the Seine in Paris in September.

4. In my friends livingrooms, dancing to 90s hits.

5. In beer gardens with a big group of people during the first days of spring.

4 Words to describe me

1. Smiley
2. Strong.
3. Soft (because I truly believe you can be both strong and soft. Being strong does not mean you have to be a cold).
4. Chatty.

3 Things I look forward to

1. The smell of sunlotion on my skin.
2. July, when my gang comes over for LADS DOES SWEDISH SUMMER: THE SEQUAL.
3. Love.

2 Good films
Today I'm going for upbeat, happy stuff (cause it's FRIDAY) so how bout The Muppets and 10 Things I hate about you.

1 Good Song
Take a walk by Passion Pit.

Life, boiled down to the content of my handbag

Continuing on the theme of the previous post I actually do think that you can say a lot about a person based on the content of their handbag. I Show me your handbag and I'll show you your life!
My handbag, this very day, contains:

• My yellow purse, which is falling apart but I'm reluctant to part with.
• 3 pens (blue and black ink).
• One handheld mirror.
• One tiny hairbrush.
• One set of yellow post-it notes.
• Some paperclips.
• Some change.
• 2 shades of red lipstick.
• Some clear lipgloss.
• Some lipbalm.
• Liquid eyeliner.
• Scented wet wipes.
• A lighter.
• Gloves.
• Keys to my house, my bike and work.
• A memory stick.
• A note pad for everything that I could possibly need to write down.
• Iron supplements. I don't normally take them but as I donated blood last week the nurses seem to think it's a good idea to keep my iron-levels up. All I can think is that if Magneto from the X-Men attacked me I'd be royally fucked.