Hello Britain, let me prod you// Things I love #5

Having spent my lunch hour reading articles such as this I began to contemplate what I perceive as 'typically British'. As many an article will tell you, the national identity in this state isn't always the easiest one to dissect. There are Scots, Welsh, Northerners, Southerners, Channel islanders and the list goes on... But at the end of the day the passport says 'British'. Rule Britania and all that jazz.
The terms are as confusing as the national identities themselves, I could sit here and write a list of what I consider to be typically Scottish, Irish or English. Heck, I could write a list of what is typical to Edinburgh, Newcastle or Bristol.
But no.
There must be some things that the people of this nation have in common. Some things that culturally make them British. Or at least, some things that a foreigner as me can point out and make fun of. So here we go, here's my completely partial, completely unfounded, completely based on my experiences, list of all things BRITISH.

1.  If ever in doubt about someone's emotional state, a British person will always put the kettle on and offer a cuppa. Come rain, come shine, come car accidents. There will be someone there offering up a cup of tea.
2. Speaking of kettles and tea, when walking in to a British persons kitchen you are almost always likely to find a selection of mugs (novelty mugs never go out of fashion) right next to the kettle. It's handy, isn't it? But why leave it there? In a multitude of British homes lucky enough to have been graced by my presence I have also found that the kettle has the constant company of a hard working tea spoon. This ickle spoon will be hard at work, spooning up sugar and stirring endless cups of tea all day long. Because people don't need a spoon each when you keep one on the counter next to the kettle. Sometimes I have even encountered cartons of milk on constant kitchen counter-stand by. My mother would have killed me if I always left the milk out, not to mention if I left a used teaspoon on the counter.
3. Beans on toast. So simple. So tasty. So British.
4. Picture a quaint living room. A room for older people, ornaments on the mantle piece, a telly in the corner, a table where the inhabitant can put their cups of tea. You might think you'd find a sofa, somewhere for this older couple to snuggle up. You'd be wrong. What you will find is the ageing couple sitting snug in one massive armchair each. Preferably armchairs that have been around for decades and hare properly sunken in. Perhaps covered in cat hair, or an electric blanket. Here they'll sit, often sunken so far in to the chair that the arm rest is up by their chins. And why not? At least they look comfy.
5. Greeting cards. Honestly, is there any special occasion in this country which doesn't get its own greeting card? Back home we get Christmas cards (sometimes), birthday cards (if you've been good) and MAYBE valentines day cards (usually from my mum). Britain's love affair with greeting cards knows no bounds.
6. Aaaahh... The English language... So rich, so wide spread.... Even here  there's some complex situations I have noticed. British people are in awe, over the moon in utter admiration when a foreign person such as myself is fluent, practically native in their language. It's something which will get brought up over and over and over again. But that doesn't stop this nation of English speakers to get infuriated with non-English speakers abroad. Because, you know, its incredibly rude of people to converse in their native tongue in their native country... On a PC-point, I am lucky enough be be surrounded by many amazing British people who, although still amazed by anyone non-native speaking fluent English, are more than happy to sit and listen to my relatives natter away in Swedish, or order food in French or German. 
7. A slight aversion to nudity. I'm still somewhat repulsed by people going in the sauna wearing their swimsuits (it's un-hygienic). But you know, that's my Swedish attitude towards nudity. Here we keep it under wraps unless it's an episode of Skins.
8. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but are you aware that your Christmas dinner is nearly identical to your Sunday roasts?
9. School uniforms. I must say, there were times I was jealous. I really was. There were also times when I wore one, but that was for other, more gothic reasons. It still pinches my heart ever so slightly when I see little 5 year old boys go to school wearing shorts. In December. In the snow. Outch.
10. Every main public holiday is celebrated through the eating of cheap chocolate.
11. Being a football fan is a perfectly valid reason to kick someone's teeth in or glass them in the face. Also, a perfectly valid reason to swear your undying love to a balding Swede. (Ok, so that one mainly relates to Celtic fans...)
12. Curtains are there to keep the cold and the outside world out. Not as decoration.
13. Owning a toaster is practically a human right.   
14. Meeting up for a coffee almost always means meeting up for a drink.
15. Paying for carrier bags is clearly an infliction on their rights as citizens of this great country, and a 2p fee is enough to send anyone over the edge.
16. Although rumoured to be cold, stiff and a bit reserved, British people in general are amongst my absolute favourite things in the world. That and their cider.